“So get down, down here beside me. Oh, you ain’t going nowhere. No, I won’t hurt you mama. But it’s getting so hard…oh!” - Genesis, Mama
Let’s get this out of the way up front: I have always found men calling their girlfriends or wives “Mama” disgusting. Unless you have a woman’s young child immediately next to you, calling her Mama is the equivalent of saying, “You remind me of a woman I really love but legally cannot have sex with. So, let me live out my foul fantasies with you instead.” I have never been called “Daddy” by a lady, probably because I never dated a Hispanic woman, but mainly because it would make my penis turn irrevocably limp. This song is creepy enough to begin with, what with the laughing and weird keyboard and Phil Collins gigantic scary forehead, but Phil gets really crazy at the end of this verse. He’s not going to hurt you, Mama, but it’s getting so hard? Is it getting too hard not to hurt her? Because that is really messed up. There has ever only been one person with a good excuse about why it is hard not to hurt someone and that person is Edward Scissorhands. He wants to love you, Winona Ryder, but his fingers are sharp scissors. As awful as abuse is, we really hope that is what this song is about. Because the only other option is that the thing getting too hard is Phil Collins’ peen. And the idea of Phil getting blue balls from his turgid Sussudio is too disgusting for words.